The journey of motherhood is often depicted as a time filled with joy, love, and unparalleled happiness. However, the reality for many new mothers can be far from this idyllic image. Postpartum rage is a distressing and often overlooked aspect of postpartum mental health that deserves our attention. I will share with you my own terrifying experience with postpartum rage, while explaining what postpartum rage is, its potential causes, its impact on mothers and their families, and, most importantly, how it can be managed and treated.
What is Postpartum Rage?
Postpartum rage, also known as postpartum anger or irritability, is a mental health condition that affects some women after giving birth. It is characterized by intense and uncontrollable anger, irritability, and mood swings that may manifest suddenly and without warning. This overwhelming anger can be directed at loved ones, strangers, or even inanimate objects, leaving both the mother and those around her deeply affected.
My own experience with postpartum rage
One night I was so angry that I knocked my son to the ground. Wait! Before you write me off, hear me out, it’s not like that at all. It was a particularly bad night with both my kids. My 6 month old daughter didn’t want to be put down, my son was being extra needy and also wanting to be held.
He was hanging on the back of my shirt, trying to pull me back towards him, but being annoyed and frustrated I wasn’t having it. I walked on, dragging him behind me. Then the rage bubbled up out of nowhere, and I couldn’t stand him hanging on me anymore. I ripped the shirt out of his hands, but being caught off guard, he flew through the air, landing headfirst into the corner of the toybox, narrowly missing his eye.
The rage had taken over
I was shaking. I handed my daughter to my husband and picked up my now crying son. “What did I do? What did I do?” I kept saying over and over again. He had a cut above and a cut below his eye. I couldn’t believe it, but he had completely missed his eye, but the cuts were bleeding pretty good. We applied pressure, but they wouldn’t stop bleeding. I knew he had to go to the ER to see if he would need stitches.
My stomach was in knots. I was clutching my 2 year old so tight while applying pressure to his bleeding wound.. He was barely crying anymore, the sounds of my own sobs filled the room instead. I knew I couldn’t go, my daughter refused bottles and who knows how long they would be sitting in an emergency waiting room. I couldn’t take her, because it was nearly 8 o’clock, and a hospital full of sick people was the last place a baby should be. My husband had to take him.
My husband said, “I’ll take him,” with pity in his eyes, as I sobbed harder. “But… I want to go. You know I didn’t mean to do it, he was just hanging on me, and then I just got angry…” I trailed off. My husband came over to hug me, taking my son from my arms. As he walked out the door, he told me that he knew it wasn’t my fault, that it was an accident, and he would be perfectly okay.
WHY DID I GET SO ANGRY?
Understanding the Causes
The causes of postpartum rage are multifaceted and can vary from one individual to another. While researchers have not pinpointed a single cause, several contributing factors have been identified:
- Hormonal Changes: The dramatic fluctuations in hormones, particularly estrogen and progesterone, during pregnancy and the postpartum period can impact mood regulation. These hormonal shifts may play a role in the onset of postpartum rage.
- Sleep Deprivation: Newborns often have erratic sleep schedules, leaving new mothers sleep-deprived and emotionally drained. Sleep disruption can significantly affect mood and increase irritability.
- Stress and Anxiety: The pressures of caring for a newborn, coupled with societal expectations and personal worries, can create high levels of stress and anxiety. This emotional strain may trigger episodes of rage.
- Lack of Support: A strong support system is crucial for new mothers. Feeling isolated or unsupported can exacerbate feelings of anger and frustration.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Unrealistic expectations of motherhood, fueled by societal portrayals of the “perfect mother,” can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anger when reality doesn’t align with these ideals.
For me, it was a combination of these causes while being overwhelmed going from one kid to two kids. I had no idea that postpartum rage was a real diagnosis, one that branches off from postpartum anxiety. I just didn’t know that my anxiety could manifest itself in the form of rage. And it terrified me.
The Impact on Mothers and Families
Postpartum rage can have a profound impact on mothers and their families. It can strain relationships, create emotional distance between partners, and hinder the development of a healthy bond between the mother and her child. The guilt and shame that often accompany these intense bursts of anger can further isolate the mother and impede her recovery.
Furthermore, untreated postpartum rage can lead to more severe postpartum mood disorders, such as postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. It is crucial to recognize the signs and seek help promptly.
It was hard for my husband to understand what was happening to his wife. All he saw was a woman filled with anxiety and pure anger over the smallest of things. As a result, she had been replaced with a rage monster. I unintentionally hurt my son as a result of this rage and it is a moment I will never forget. It was in that moment I knew that something was wrong.
Managing and Treating Postpartum Rage
The good news is that postpartum rage is a treatable condition, and there are several strategies to manage it effectively:
- Seek Professional Help: If you or someone you know is experiencing postpartum rage, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups specializing in postpartum mental health can provide valuable guidance and support.
- Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress. Adequate sleep, regular exercise, and a balanced diet can significantly impact mood.
- Communicate: Open and honest communication with your partner, family, and friends is essential. Expressing your feelings and seeking their understanding can help alleviate some of the emotional burden.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Let go of the idea of perfection. Understand that motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to ask for help when needed.
- Medication: In severe cases, medication may be recommended by a healthcare provider. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can help stabilize mood and reduce rage episodes.
Postpartum rage is a real and challenging aspect of postpartum mental health that deserves attention and empathy. It’s crucial to recognize that experiencing anger or irritability after giving birth is not a sign of failure as a mother, but rather a natural response to a complex set of physical, emotional, and environmental factors.
My son still has a scar on his face where he was cut on the corner of the toybox. Now when I look at it, I see something else. I see an overwhelmed mother, dealing with postpartum anxiety and rage. I see a mom who would never hurt her child, who didn’t intentionally hurt her child, but was so angry because she was suffering from postpartum anxiety.
Although we applied scar reducing cream to his face, the scar is still very prominent.
I still feel horrible about it, even though now I can see it was not a deliberate action. It never would have happened had I not been so wrapped up in the throes of postpartum anxiety. I acknowledge that it was an accident. There was no malintent, I just didn’t want to be bothered anymore. I was at my wits end, and I made a mistake in rage.
Postpartum rage and anger is very common, yet not discussed enough or even screened for. Most women are afraid to tell anyone about how they are feeling. Also most women don’t know that it is a symptom of a postpartum mood disorder. But it can be overcome.
By seeking help, practicing self-care, and fostering open communication, mothers can overcome postpartum rage and build a healthier, happier family life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is support available to help you navigate the challenges of motherhood.
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