You’re probably wondering how I got here. In a bar bathroom, padding my bra with horribly crisp paper towels, wondering how noticeable the wet bullseye around my nipple is. I am leaking breast milk.
As I was running across the bar/ restaurant, I prayed that my long hair covered the spot that I worried could be increasing in size as I rushed towards the bathroom.
I have been breastfeeding for 21 months and I stopped wearing breast pads several months ago. I just wanted a weekend away to feel human again, to feel like a person, to feel like something other than a mom.
Yet somehow on this night out with my younger niece, (she’s 10 years younger than me and we’re more like sisters) where we are out with her friends and some cute boys she works with, I am lactating in a bar.
I recognized the tingling and thought to myself, I should have pumped before going out. But honestly it wasn’t that long since the last nursing session, my supply is good and I haven’t leaked in a long time.
It wasn’t until I looked down at my green tank top that I realized that I was leaking breast milk, and the circle was large. I panicked, and excused myself to run to the bathroom.
Of course, I’m leaking. As a mother of three, I thought I was invincible and didn’t need to pump or wear breast pads, when I have been hours without my baby. I didn’t want to stop the fun by doing motherly things, like pumping. Mother nature decided to bring me back to reality, noting that I am no longer single and in my 20s, but actually a nursing mother who still actively lactates when the baby is not around. And by the way. wasn’t the hangover the following day going to jolt me back to reality anyway? Thanks, Mother Nature.
What Do I Do Now?
I honestly contemplated going back and dumping my entire margarita on my chest, blaming it on my lack of coolness as a mother. Sad that I actually thought to myself that I’d rather be seen as a hot mess than a lactating mother. Although I was embarrassed, dumping a perfectly good margarita on myself didn’t sound appealing.
I thought about texting my niece and saying, “Time to go!” But I didn’t want to, it was still early, I was having fun and I hadn’t laughed so much in forever. So I padded my bra to stop the leak and prevent any further leaking. I exited the bathroom, a cup size bigger, with my head held high. I pulled my hair to the front and crossed my arms, trying to hide the stain. The only thing I had to worry about now that the damage was done, was whether the stain would dry with a milky hue to it or if it would dry clear.
For the time being though, when I got back to the bar, I casually turned the side of my body where the leak was (the under-producer, of course, because that makes sense) towards the bar and managed to hide the stain from other’s view. I may have even pick up some condensation from the bar to further disguise the wet spot on my shirt on this humid summer night.
Most people, especially any males, in the bar would probably not even notice. Or they may notice and chalk it up to the humidity. But other mothers may notice. Looking around, surrounded by 20-somethings, no one stood out as a mother. I didn’t mention it again until my niece and I got back to the car and we had a good laugh at the irony of a mom’s night out with a leaky boob ruining the party.
Why do your breasts leak?
So I was pretty sure that my chest’s betrayal of my trust was a result of not pumping when I should have. But there are many other reasons why your breasts may be leaking. Before we dive into why the breast leaks, we need to understand a little more about lactation. When lactating, the breast’s primary function is to “listen” to the cues given by the baby and make milk based on that baby’s need. A letdown is the milk ejection reflex that removes the milk from the breast- usually triggered by the baby’s cry, the baby’s sucking or by a manual/electric pump. Once the letdown occurs, milk will flow freely from the breast.
Breastfeeding is simply established based on a supply and demand schedule. The more the baby eats or the mother pumps, the more milk the breasts will make to keep up with the demand of the baby. When establishing a breastfeeding schedule, your supply is all over the place, mostly because the demand is also sporadic. Both your body and your baby’s hunger are working out a schedule.
If you wait too long between feeds or pumps, your breasts may leak because it’s used to that demand schedule or it is simply trying to prevent engorgement. (Your breasts are smarter than you think, right??) If you nurse on one side for a long period of time, your other breast may leak out excess milk (have you tried this milk saver? Or even better, the Haakaa. That’s liquid gold, don’t let it go to waste).
Other reasons that you may leak include showering (the heat helps the milk flow); friction from clothing or towels or blankets; and unfortunately your breast can leak milk during your most intimate times as well. Yes, it’s true and nothing ruins “sexy times” like a milky wet chest. Leaking during sex is due to your body releasing the same hormone, oxytocin, during sex that is triggered during the letdown as you breastfeed, cause your breasts to leak or spray milk. Sexy, right?
If you are trying to change nursing schedules due to baby’s demands or schedule restraints such as returning to work, this could be a reason for a leak as well. This is what I had been trying to do when I found myself lactating in a bar: cutting down on my breastfeeding schedule with the hope of weaning soon. As mortified as I was, it was my body just doing what it does naturally.
And finally, sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for your breast to be leaking. But you aren’t completely out of luck; there are some ways that you can prevent my unfortunate mishap from happening to you.
How to prevent breastmilk leaks
These will only help BEFORE you get a wet stain on your shirt- heed this advice!
- Nursing pads are your best friend- there are so many to choose from!
- Don’t go too long in between feedings and if you have to, make sure to pump when the baby would regularly eat! But there is a fine line here, if you are trying to cut down on feedings, don’t pump! You’ll make matters worse, because although you are not breastfeeding, you are still stimulating your breasts and will make the same amount of milk as if you were nursing, which in turn could create more leaks!
- Keep spare clothes in your car; an extra shirt in the diaper bag (I learned this the hard way when I didn’t bring extra clothes for newborn photos and I got peed on)
- Once an established feeding schedule, you can often stop the flow by putting pressure on the nipple or crossing your arms over your breasts.
- Wear clothing that can help hide leaks. Clothes, dresses, shirts and blouses with patterns disguise any accidental leaks. Wear a tank top in between your nursing bra and your shirt to minimize any show. Keep jackets, sweaters and sweatshirts on hand in case you need to cover up a leak.Unfortunately sometimes leaking just happens and sometimes you forget to prepare. I was so concentrated on going away for the weekend, hoping to distance myself from my ever-nursing baby in hopes of being able to wean in the month after, that I didn’t think of what I should be doing to prevent my breasts from leaking. Plus I was hanging out with a 20-something year old and I wanted to feel cool, not like a mother who has to drag out her breast pump and then stuff my bra with the equivalent of sanitary napkins before hitting the bar.
So what to do if you’re caught with a leaky boob stain?
- Just dump a drink on yourself. Just kidding, don’t do this.
- Find someone with a jacket, cardigan, sweatshirt, scarf or anything else that will cover up your stain, then beg them to borrow it.
- Turn your shirt around if possible. No one will know if you have a shirt that can be turned around
- Lean against a messy bar in hopes of getting condensation on your shirt in other areas.
- Rock it a la Regina George in Mean Girls. Embrace it, make a joke about it, laugh. You’re a nursing mother, just out enjoying yourself sans baby. If it makes others uncomfortable, then they aren’t your people anyways.
Why do we feel embarrassed?
There are many reasons why you may feel embarrassed about your leaking breasts. You may feel uncomfortable because many people are uncomfortable with the thought of breastfeeding and big round stains are a large clue that you are a breastfeeding mother. You may feel like a cow and leaking is yet another reminder of your breastfeeding experience. Or like myself, you may just want to feel like a human again and not just someone’s source of nutrition, even if it’s just for one night. It’s kind of hard to hide the fact that you’re a mother, when you have rings around your nipples in that white milk-ish hue.
But you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this- it’s a natural occurrence and like everything else, you have a million things on your plate and you forgot a breast pad. There are worse things to forget (like your breast pump!!). If you make a joke and keep it light, everyone else that you are with will tend to also keep it fun and fluffy. And if they are judging you, then get out of there. You don’t need that negativity. Rock those stains with pride, you are a breastfeeding mama and your body just wants everyone to know what a badass you truly are.
If you have a funny story about unexpectedly lactating in public, please share below in the comments!!