Baby’s First Few Days
The first day of a newborn baby’s life is usually pure bliss. Both parents are in awe of this sweet precious being that they have created. Baby is exhausted from the journey from the womb to the outside world and sleeps peacefully in her parents arms, being passed between the two, being periodically woken to feed at mom’s breast. Latching has taken some getting used to, but after a few tries both baby and mom have gotten the hang of it, and by day’s end, both are feeling confident in their new roles.
At the end of the day, everyone is drained of every last drop of energy and sleep comes easily. Mother and baby wake up every 2-3 hours to eat and change diapers while dad snores away in the corner, maybe waking up to help mom. Baby nurses back to sleep and is swaddled and put back in her hospital bassinet. Mom looks at Dad and says, “Look at us, we’ve got this down,” and smiles at him confidently before closing her eyes, drifting back to sleep.
Baby’s second day starts with a visit from the pediatrician, which she does not like. She cries loudly and it is difficult to get her to settle down. She doesn’t want to nurse and she doesn’t want to be put down. Her parents are aware that today isn’t going as smoothly as yesterday was, but also are aware that they are exhausted.
The day goes on. Family and friends visit. More diaper changes, newborn cries and breastfeeding; vital checks for both mother and baby and visits from lactation consultants. When the sun sets on the baby’s second night, pure exhaustion has set in for everyone. But little do these new parents know what is in store for them throughout this night.
What Happens on Night Two
Commonly described as second night syndrome*, a theory emerged to describe a baby’s second night of life; after the first 24 hours of deep sleep as a result of the stress of birth, a newborn begins to become very aware of their surroundings. No longer are they in the comfort of the warm womb that they called home these past nine months; instead they are in a bright, loud and strange world and it can be extremely scary.
*Note that this is a theory and not based on scientific research, but on the experience of many breastfeeding mamas. The word syndrome tends to send mamas into a cold sweat and panic, but I assure you, all is good here.
So how does a newborn react? The only way she knows how. Lots of inconsolable crying; excessive feeding and long periods of wakefulness. Problem here is mom and dad are exhausted, just wanting to sleep themselves. If mama is breastfeeding, her milk has probably not come in by day 2 and the more the baby tries to feed, the more frustrated she gets from getting no milk.
An inconsolable baby can be terrifying and overwhelming. A day ago, you thought you were rocking this motherhood thing and today, you can’t even console your baby for a few moments of silence. Your hormones are going crazy. Your body is still unrecognizable. You worry that you are waking everyone on the maternity floor and that the nursing think you can’t handle your own baby. It’s a lot coming at you all at once.
How I Handled My Baby’s Second Night
I skipped second night syndrome with my first baby. He had complications with his birth and was closely monitored and was in and out of my room the first few days of his life. But with both his sisters, I definitely remember their second nights.
From my first hospital stay to my second, the hospital removed the baby nursery in order to encourage moms to breastfeed. I was already planning on breastfeeding so that wasn’t an issue. I went into having my daughter pretty confident, having had a pretty easy experience with my son. I had a cesarean which was unlike the first, but because of his complications with shoulder dystocia, this was the best option.
Because I had major surgery, I was unable to leave my bed for the first 24 hours, leaving it impossible for me to get the baby when she cried. My husband stayed in the hospital the first night, but because we had an under two year old at home, I recommended that he go back to the house for the rest of my hospital stay.
My daughter, Isla was a sweet peaceful baby who took to nursing immediately. She was perfect aside for some mild jaundice. I was in minimal pain from my c-section and everything appeared to be going well post surgery. It was my birthday.
Because of all the chaos of having a baby and managing visitors and babysitters for our son, it took longer for my husband to return to the hospital with my birthday dinner and by then, I was in tears. Baby blues was setting in fast, something I had no experience with when I had my son. I had suffered prenatal anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) and anxiety that baby blues would turn into postpartum depression was on my mind.
The tears flowed through the middle of the night. Both me and Isla were crying now. I was beyond tired, and She, now very awake, was extremely hungry. My milk had not come in, but she was frantically searching for a full belly. I couldn’t calm her down no matter what I did. I felt like I couldn’t even give her what she needed and as a mother, I was failing her.
After a weight check, my nurse explained that we were going to supplement a bit with formula, as the doctor was concerned about her weight loss.
Dread set in. Now I knew I was failing. She needed something more than mama could give her and I was devastated. But we had spent the past four hours going between nursing for long periods of time and attempting to put her down so that I could rest. Every time I put her down she screamed. I was exhausted, frustrated and failing. I truly believe this is when my postpartum anxiety began. We had been exhausted ourselves, crying and breastfeeding, crying and soothing. Lots of crying.
Despite my hesitation, she took the formula like a champ and the nurse came in and super swaddled her, and she was able to put her down in the plastic bassinet without fail. I was defeated when I saw the sun peak through the horizon, signaling that it was morning. I had pulled my first all-nighter. I barely survived her second night.
…So Can I Prevent This?
If I had been taught about a baby’s second night, then I would have recognized the symptoms and been able to calm myself down so I could tend to her. If I had known that the effects of delivery had worn off, she would be alert and looking for milk. I would have known it was basic biology.
While it’s not a doctor recognized “condition,” second night syndrome is common. Here is what to look for on your baby’s second night:
*Cluster Feeding
*Falling asleep quickly after starting a feed
*Long periods of Wakefulness
*Periods of Inconsolable crying
*Waking as soon as baby is put down even though she was sound asleep in mama’s arms
Round Two
So now that I was aware of the second night phenomenon, I arrived at my scheduled cesarean ready. It had been four years since Isla was born and in that time, I had battled postpartum anxiety that led me to reading many books about the postpartum period. I had also studied as a postpartum doula. I was prepared.
She, like her sister, became very hungry during night two. She liked excruciatingly long nursing sessions and I alternated between nursing, soothing, resting as best I could. She would nurse on both sides for about an hour and less than twenty minutes later, wake up, impatient and demand more. My body wasn’t even producing milk. I battled my inner thoughts; reminding myself of what I knew from my own experience and from my education.
When she began crying and not even my breast would settle her, a nurse appeared and I told her what was happening. She smiled and asked if I wanted to supplement with formula. Without hesitation, I accepted. She also asked if I wanted her to take her and feed her the bottle and hold her while she caught up on charting and I could get some rest. My inner voice wanted to call me a failure for not even being able to care for her properly, but it was too exhausting to form words to beat me up. It was still the best bit of sleep I received in that hospital, thanks to accepting the help from that nurse.
So If I Can’t Avoid It, What Can I Do?
It’s not easy as I made it out to be, but it was an improved experience from my last. I was calm, I accepted help, and I survived. The best tips that I have for a better second night with your newborn are as follows:
- Stay calm and do (try) not worry. It’s biology and a normal transition for a baby. Babies are hardwired to want to be in their caregivers arms and stimulate a mother’s milk by frequent feedings. All of this, biologically speaking, is to ensure the baby’s survival.
- Be ready for it. Take naps during the day. Alternate baby care throughout the night. Work as a team to make it through.
- Offer breast whenever the baby is showing hunger cues.
- SKIN to SKIN is best. Newborns want comfort. They want warmth. They want their caregivers.
- Recreate the womb. Make it dark. Swaddle baby. White noise. Warmth.
- Limit visitors. You are learning how to be a mother/parent. You are learning to breastfeed. It’s not easy to learn everything with an audience and constant interruptions. Baby wants mom, not a million visitors. Save the company for when you’re home and in a rhythm.
- Stay Familiar. Play the same songs or sing the same songs you did during pregnancy. Talk to the baby in the same voice you did when she was in the womb. She wants to hear familiar sounds to feel safe.
- ASK FOR HELP. Most nurses are willing to help, take your baby for an hour or two so you can get some rest.
- Do not be afraid to supplement.
- Trust your instincts, mama.
- Remember it does get easier.
Second night rolled in, my husband home again with the two older children, and I was alone. It was the time of Covid, experiencing another surge that prevented me from having any visitors. Baby Emilia had barely cried during her first 36 hours earth-side. But she more than made up for that second night.
Every night turns into day. You will get through this. Consider it an initiation into parenthood. With these tips though, you can be more prepared. You can tell yourself it’s normal and it’s part of a baby’s basic biology for survival.
And in the words of the beloved Darius Rucker, “It won’t be like this for long…”